Back To Work
Returning From A Self Imposed Paternity Leave, With Some Ambitious Plans For The Future
You know how, when you have your first child, people immediately ask if you feel different, like you’ve had some life-altering epiphany? For me, that hasn’t really been the case, at least not in some grand, introspective sense. Of course, there are changes to your schedule and routine. I’m writing this well past midnight because the little woman my wife brought into the world has zero interest in anything resembling a normal sleep schedule, and my window to get things done is limited.
But the biggest shift has been this overwhelming sense of responsibility. There’s a new human being here, and I’m now directly responsible for her survival. That thought alone can send my mind spiraling, imagining all the ways she could get hurt; now, in everyday life, and later, out in the world. Being a girl dad is something I never really pictured for myself. Looking back, I think part of that is because I didn’t want to confront the added worries that come with raising a daughter in a world that can be especially hostile toward women. That’s not to say I wouldn’t worry about a son, of course I would, but there are realities and vulnerabilities that women face that us men often don’t in the same way.
At the same time, when I think about where I was a year ago, well into my late thirties, with the idea of having a child feeling increasingly unlikely, I can’t help but feel an incredible sense of gratitude. However unexpected it may have been, having her in my life now feels like a genuine blessing.
Sorry to start this update on such a heavy note, but if you haven’t already put it together, I’ve basically been on a self-imposed paternity leave. I haven’t touched the newsletter in nearly two months, the last entry being my final Oscar predictions, where I went a pretty solid 21–3 if I can brag for a second. That break, though, gave me time to step back and think about how I want to improve things for my criticism work moving forward, and it’s led to some ambitious ideas.
The main one is launching a weekly digest covering the most interesting film news of the past week, paired with a weekly podcast. This time around, it’ll be a solo show; just me running through everything I’ve written about, but in a more relaxed, conversational tone. Less “buttoned-up critic,” more just talking it out. The idea is heavily inspired by the long-running solo format of the Solomonster pro-wrestling podcast. If he can keep that going week after week covering wrestling, there’s no reason I can’t take a swing at doing the same with film.
Alongside that, I’ll still be writing full reviews for the biggest new releases, plus monthly roundups highlighting other films I didn’t get to cover in depth. Awards season isn’t going anywhere either; I’ll continue with Oscar projections and roll out “Best Of” lists whenever the stars align.
So yeah, I’m back, still figuring out fatherhood, still operating on weird hours, but ready to expand what I’m doing rather than scale it back. Balancing all of this with raising a newborn should be interesting, but it’s a challenge I’m more than willing to take on.